Clemence

Should I move out?
My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired...as I really did love him.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.

However this is my problem:

I am now 18...it has got to the point where I can't do nothing anymore..I HAVE to do something with my life.
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him&but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? Hes going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just cant believe that I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THIS years ago&.i just wasnt thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.


Also, one of the reasons why I couldn't cope with school was because of the neglect/emotional abuse that I suffered at home. I thought that if I moved out into the local Foyer/hostel then it would offer Skye a bit of validation that I couldn't cope with/was having a bad time at home and he might believe me then when I told him about the neglect. But....if I stay where I am (living at home with my parents) and go to college then he's going to wonder why it is that I can cope with education/school/college now....but not back then...in short he's going to think I'm making it up about the neglect.What should I do about this?
Should I move out of home?. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING OUT? If i moved out then I thought it would offer Skye a bit of proof/validation that what I told him abou the neglect/me having difficulties at home was true...so he'd believe what I told him. Do you think I should move out of home and into the local hostel/Foyer? It's just ....if I don't move out then he'll wonder why it is that I couldn't cope with living at home and education back then...but can now. In short he'll think I'm a liar and I'll lose him.

Also sometimes I don't think I can bear to face Skye at all.... and so.......
i HAVE DEEPLY CONSIDERED going to Wales and living in a Foyer/hostel there................... so that I never have to face Skye ever again (because it's inevitable that we'll meet) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA? I live in England you see...in the North West of England.
Or could I move out to Wales for a few years.....then after a few years in Wales once I've sorted my life out (away from Skye) then come back home/to England again ...and try to find Skye then? Or do you think this is a stupid idea?

PLEASE HELP!!!

jinalyn

Don't worry too much about his reaction on the things that happened to u. You just have to tell him the truth.. and if he doesn't believe you then he's not the one you deserve.
There's still a lot of guys out there who could accept all those unpleasant circumstances that happened to u.
You've been so depressed and went through a life like hell, so for sure, he could understand why you had problems in you schooling.


What's the big deal in that? I mean, so what? if he's gonna find out all of that? If he is really a good person,he won't judge you based on your grades. And if that person really like or love u truly, he wont judge u just because of that instead he'd help you to move on.

I don't think you really need to prove all things that happened to u are true. Just tell him the truth,that's the important thing.If he doesn't believe then you dont need to keep explaining or whatever.

Don't be ashamed of yourself. Stop comparing or thinking that you both have gaps when it comes to intellectual matter. You could face him,don't be scared. You haven't tried it yet, so if u're gonna meet him then talk to him and tell him the truth. That's it, you don't need to impress him. He might take it in a positive way.. like he's gonna appreciate you 'coz you surpassed all those and decided to move on now.Don't let your fears control you.. that wouldn't help you to work things out, that would prevent you.

I don't think you really need to move out then go back to find him again...
Leaving would only leave a big gap between you and him. If you really want him then stay and think positive in all ways.

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Romanticguy18

Love can turn a wise girl into a fool and a fool into a wise girl. Your problem is so big that I don't think I can offer help in a single post without crushing you with pointless what ifs and how abouts till what I truley want to say is lost in an ocean of doubt.

There are a few things I will bring up. One is that boys don't feel love as strong as girls, we do feel it, however the pull is easily mixed with lust and attraction and few times can we tell them apart. Remember you and Skye have been apart a long time, don't be suprised if the reaction is quite a bit less then you expect.

Second, don't move out and less you have a plan. Get a part time job and save up some money. Just jumping out into the world with no plan is like trying to swim across the ocean with no help.

My childhood placed me in the hospital a few times, from physical abuse. But I know that mental abuse is just as bad and hurts more and longer then anything done to the body. Even though your 18 now, as long as there is a roof over your head and food in your mouth you have a chance to succeed.

I don't want to keep writing or I fear losing your intrest, Heres what I would do. Stay at home, find a Job in fast food or a store, worry about school next year, save up some money for rent on a small place, keep working and attend school. When you do meet Skye be cheerful, tell him how great it is to seem him and act happy. Leave the past behind you, don't bring it up. Start over. Its the easiest way to do it.

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